waking up confused

the first week of december passed by and i didn't notice it. allowed myself to get caught up in my work that it took a disaster in my parents' province to wake me up from my state of stupor. last time we heard from them, most of my relatives in albay lost their homes. we've been trying to send them medicines but all deliveries to their place are suspended ( they have to travel a good distance just to claim the packages ). it would be a somber Christmas for the people in albay.


sorry. watercolor and ink, 2006. for all the bad news that we received thru the mobile phone.

gift

afternoon, november 26, 2006.

sometime november

hope she'll understand my silence. when that is all i can do not to make matters worse than it already is.

yet, every now and then i look at my celphone...

borrowed heaven

daybreak, alabang-zapote road. taken early sunday morning during one of the numerous times i stayed over saturday night in the office. deserted streets devoid of the usual bumber to bumper traffic. for awhile i thought i was the only human left in the planet. he,he.

on a different matter: i told a friend of mine that i was finally able to start painting again. she's right in a way...i think i've lost sight of the main reason why i paint in the first place. but several minutes after our talk, my celphone beeped...and i got lost again. i yearn for the day when i could look back again at all these and give a wry smile.

farewells

how do you say goodbye while at the same time try to hide all the regrets for the things that didn't go the way you wanted them to? show remorse for all the moments of silence when a word or two could have made all the difference? and though i still hold the joy in the hope that God gave me, allow me this time to mourn...

dreaming of sundays

bathroom window, early morning at home

staring at a blank canvas...thinking of things that could have been...cryptic? just need some rest. preferably a whole week of rest far from the city.

i used to laugh at people who introduce themselves with a title in front of their names. attorney so-and-so, judge _______ , architect ______ . i know that they've earned the right to be called those things. but i remember someone telling me as a kid that one shouldn't let a man's job be the measure of what he is. ( maybe i got this advise from my parents when they were trying to pass off my lack of ambition, he,he. )
but for sometime now, i noticed introducing myself with an addendum: i am a 3d artist. or i am an artist. makes me think that without my job, i am nothing. ( hmmm, come to think of it, i am nothing...arrgh ) he,he i grew up to become someone i hate...

going...going...

it's been awhile... in fact i even considered abandoning this blog due to missing picture links, lack of inspiration and the pressure at work. but since the planned group exhibit for this year didn't push thru, i got this urge to revive this blog, restore the picture links and post new pics and artworks.


office entrance door, early morning.

spending most nights at the office due to deadlines. so much so that i seldom use my apartment bed. thank God i have the foresight to buy myself one of those thin mattresses so that i could sleep in comfort at the office.

the water is wide

we arrived in bolinao at about 1pm. the beach was worth all the calluses in the ass that we developed riding along bumpy roads. it may take getting used to...it was not like the deserted shores that you would see in albay. there were cottages and stores. we even have to walk some distance from the entrance to avoid the sound of videoke machines. but it was not that crowded. and once you get into the water you'll forget about it all as you enjoy looking at the marine life among the rocks.


the beachfront.


at the back of the beach is this strip of fresh water, with kids playing around the connecting bridge.


low tide exposes the rock covered with sea plants

sanctuary

most of the 3d people went to pangasinan over the weekend. we rolled off alabang late friday evening and arrived in dagupan about 4am. after some hours of sleep we went to the home of a relative of one of our officemates to ask for direction to the beach in bolinao. the house we went to was surrounded with with bonsai ( which i should have taken a picture of ) and on the top of the garage roof are cages for breeding pet birds.


didn't get to take note of what particular bird specie these are. sorry.


as we wander around the cages i realised that most of the birds are frightened by our presence. you could see them huddled in one corner in this picture.

after lunch adventure(?)
a combination of alcohol addled brain (we suspect), a bicycle and a number of short tempered bystanders postponed our trip to the beach. still, i THANK GOD for the reflexes of our friend who was driving at that time!


the boy in the red shirt is the grandson of the guy we 'bumped'. before i clicked the shutter, all three of them were smilling and having fun.

wheuw!

took me sometime to figure out why i can't upload my pictures to my image server. something to do with pop ups. and i got my mind set in posting this particular image...


despite my angst-ridden life, i tend to make caricatures that friends call "cute". maybe it's an unconcious attempt to hide or lose myself in my art. oh, and don't think of that observation as something profound. i often think of my art as stomach gas. if i hold it inside, it's painful. to find relief i have to pass it out, yet the only people who will understand and symphatize will be those who have find themselves in similar situation before, he,he. hmmm...at this point i want you to imagine an exhibit of smells...

home

sorry for the lack of updates. just finished modeling a character at work, and between that and the things i've got to do at home, well i was not able to find time to post.

been thinking a lot of the changes at home. decisions, decisions...


side table, quezon city - reminds me of the 3d mesh that i've been working on.

by the way - i was forced to scale down the drawing in my previous post. it takes too long to load in my computer.

coffee

coffee girl, watecolor and ink, 2006

it's the start of summer. more often than not, my choice of evening brew tend to be iced tea. the ones you get from jollibee, wendy's or chowking. not those iced tea that comes from vendo machines with carbonated water. and in case you've seen the green iced tea of KFC, don't bother trying it. it doesn't taste that good. at least for me.

and in case anyone of you like chocolate drinks, try cafe xocolat in megamall. this one is more convenient than their first branch which is in greenhills promenade. it's located on the 2nd floor bldg A. near chowking.


cafe xocolat, megamall
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meanwhile in pilar village, alabang...

our apartment got robbed. the robber/s got my friends' money. if you want to know the details and you know my friend lui, ask him yourself. he's better at telling the whole story. the result of all this is that we spent the night and early this morning installing security locks. i was thinking of just putting stickers outside the door and windows saying "this house is protected by time delay locks". you know like those bank vaults. but that's just me. like i said, i'm lazy.

state of what?

friday night, feb. 24, 2006. enough comments on how crazy politics in this country is. so i'll just share with you this image:


restless night. tiendesitas. south superhighway, on the way home. U2 singing 'silver and gold' on the cd.

even this...

leyte landslide. i could rage about it as a lesson in forest mismanagement. or an opportunity for more politicking in the part of government officials. or former government officials out to regain public trust. it is heartening to see strangers working together on the search and rescue. but i can't forget about the victims; kids, mothers and sisters, husband and brothers. a whole village of them. yet if all of these things would bring comfort to those left behind then i say let it be.

lost in time

i welcome the times i spend entertaining myself with the creative works of other people. songs, books, films, paintings, i can't seem to get tired of it. maybe it's because i've got this admiration for people who were able to substantiate their vision unto their respective medium. or then again, maybe i'm just lazy and all willing to lose myself into anything that will excuse me from doing something else.


cinemas, alabang town center

anywhere but in between

night. decided to take pictures for reference for another art project. went back to the office and downloaded the pics to my computer. should i watch a movie tonight? nah, got a lot of stuff with me that going thru all that security check in the malls make it impractical. decided to update my blog.


hmmm...


hmmm...


hmmmm...


hmmmm...


what can i write about? the things that happened to me at the start of the month that made me realize am back to square one? that is still a raw wound. my trip yesterday down memory lane? arrgh...


exit, folk arts theater.

anyway...happy valentine's day. everyone. really.

friends

i don't know how long this video will reside on this site before it gets sent to the archives. but try watching it...here. i was struck by what one of the old gents said about old age and living life day by day. and yes, i admit that it won't apply to all circumstances. but it does bear keeping in mind.
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chair, afternoon

a lot of my drawings and pictures have chairs in it as a subject or background element. i often think of it as a representative of people i've encountered. you would have noticed perhaps that people tend to have a particular chair that they sit on when they eat at home, another 'personal' chair for when they are relaxing in their living room. well in my case, when drawing chairs, i often try to think of people that that particular chair reminded me of. it's not a new concept really. van gogh and gauguin have done it before. but i still do it anyway.

allow me

i've been doing some watercolor drawings lately, and this one was a result of hours listening to the songs of sting. particularly the song "why should i cry for you". its not an accurate indication of what i'm feeling this morning, but i guess it's close enough...

oh no!

in a rare moment of honest introspection, i realized that i am egocentric. perhaps, it's my way of making up for the fact that no matter how i try to do my best in the creative field, there will still be others that are far better than i am. but no matter how i look at it, i still can't stop myself doing "artworks". i guess i don't know how...
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on a lighter note...

i was able to catch the opening night of my friends' exhibit at the west gallery at west avenue ( it's the first time i've been there since its renovation ). the exhibit takes the book of ecclesiates as viewed by the participating artists.


cynthia alexander at the west gallery - years after i first heard her song "comfort in your strangeness" i still haven't gotten tired listening to it.


aba dalena - doing a live version of "song in the night". hey did i get the title right?

don't ask...

drawing used to be something that i used to occupy myself while sitting in my aunt's store. now, it's something that is so intertwined with what i am that i can't even bear to think what i would be without it. a friend once told me that i must be tired of all the compliments i receive with regards to my art. i laughed and told her that i paint not because of or regardless of the compliments i receive. it's a bit of a cliche perhaps, but i'm my own exacting critic and once i exhibit my work i don't think of it as the best art out there. it just happens to be the best that i could do at the moment.


am no expert, and if someone ask my opinion about paintings, all i could say 'is i like this' or 'i dont like that' without the ability to provide further explanations. with the absence of the artist to explain his/her work, the only way i could look at a painting will be based on my limited viewpoint.

stupor

been getting frustrated looking at the blogsites i usually visit because most of them have not been updated for sometime, only to realize that i'm also guilty of that. not that there is nothing happening to me, but a lot of it are personal stuff that i don't know how to share in a blog.


morning shadows, alabang

even my desire to take pictures have suffered lately.

caffeine withdrawal

i was not able to get my morning caffeine fix in the form of coffee or tea. now am fighting off sleep and the start of a migraine.


office, afternoon

stayed out late last night. decided to go to an internet cafe to access my yahoo mail account. not that i need to send an email (could do that in the office). but i have this desire to read some old correspondence. rats...i'd better stop.

'comfort tunes'

ever heard about comfort foods? well in my case, its 'comfort tunes'. a set of songs i've gleaned from my files of mp3's that goes way back from imagineasia. wish i have the time to rip some of my favorite cds at home. miss listening to the 'the', particularly their 'soul mining' album. incidentally i spent christmas day listening to their song 'an uncertain smile'.

right now am thinking of making a series of artworks that i will collectively call 'soul cages'. i know, i know...i got that from sting's album. but it's more subtle than '...all the things i can't leave behind' ( U2 )...peace.


insular life auditorium

whew, what a year

ha! first blog of the year. don't know what 2006 will bring, but i decided to look forward to it with a hopeful attitude. anyway thats a character i share with dreamers...and fools. am not sure what category i fall under, so don't ask me. you would be better off asking my friends. make that my GOOD friends. he,he.

i would not go and write a recap on all the things that happened to me last year. ( a quiet pause here for contemplation ). just want to express an overwhelming gratitude to God, family and friends. i survived 2005! relatively intact in both body and soul.


backyard wall, quezon city.